Joyful noise

If that joy could be captured all in one place, it might prove too intense to bear.

Fun is when you don't know you're having it, you just feel the rush of joy and begin to lose time.

Resolved

General ideas of what to do differently in the new year:

1. Read before bed every night

Helps me sleep, I'm finding

2. Do more blog posts

Also helps me sleep

3. Try meditating

People who do it seem very devoted to the practice. Why shouldn't I get in on that?

4. Eat fermented vegetables every week

Almost goes without saying

5. Bike all the way to work once a week

Currently a 43 mile round trip, should make me stronger

6. Save more money

7. Improve my bread baking skills

8. Cut refined sugar consumption

Omnipresent and not necessarily great for anyone to be eating

Call Me Maybe

The achievement of Carlie Rae Jepsen in this song is to have made something fun and catchy that does not lack a soul and identity of its own. I hear so much music now that is all catchy with no soul. Call Me Maybe has something to it. Maybe it's the string section, maybe it's the meeting-a-romantic-interest jitters inscribed in the lyrics, but it has something different. This is in opposition to the two-line EDM/faux dubstep tracks that litter the radio waves. These all seem to be manufactured with the same set of machine tools in a music factor somewhere in Denmark. They do not move me. Good job, Carlie Rae Jepsen, good job. Yes, I know the song came out two years ago and I'm unfashionably late to the party, but good job.

Capturing Moods

The joy of discovering an entire Rilo Kiley live album that I had never heard before. Includes the transcendent 'I Love LA' and a cover of 'Rock n' Roll Suicide. It did feel right. My attempt at capturing the feeling of having seen a band that broke up 5 years ago.

Archival material

I got hot sauce on my finger while I made the chili. It burned my tongue afterwards when I licked the finger. Unexpected, that burn, but not really unpleasant. I ate a pineapple that had to be refrigerated, or it would have been hot like every other thing in the whole place. Even the sheets seemed to be collecting heat, storing it until it was needed to burn me when I sat down on the bed. When the rain came, I celebrated the cool coming back; I didn't have to pine after winter, at least for the moment.

Pepper soup

I have a way of having my faith restored. There is a way. There is a will. I will go on, if I can will it. Will you wish it? Will I? I thought you'd never ask.

how do you vary sentence structure in a cover letter?

I have a hard time dealing with confrontation, a hard time to make a decision. I use humor as a sort of social lubricant, smile and laugh at all the right places, but it doesn't always work, and it makes me feel fake sometimes. I'm never not hungry. People's parents usually like me. I don't do very well at meeting new people, but I like to do it. I can't stop starting new books. I ask unanswerable questions of my television. I make jokes that only I would get.

These are the things that maybe you don't want to know about me, but maybe you should.

I am a person. I am a whole. I am not to be used only for good times.

I worry a fair amount about everything. I go hot and cold sometimes and am short with people I love. Inevitably regret it, but still, I think it's how I am. I know too much about living cheaply, but I always live well. I scoff at people who can't spell, but forgive the fault at will. I love talking to old friends, even when it makes you miss how things were. I want to tell people how much I love them, but usually can't. I like knowing smiles. I'd like to hold on to being 19, or 22, or 24, but not cling desperately. I mouth words when I type them in personal communications; this may look unseemly when I'm in public places. I'm not very good at sleeping anymore. If I'm serious, it's probably because I don't want to be the guy who always tries to be funny and is never serious. I tend to hold doors for people all the time, but I'm nervous about the interactions this entails. I don't know how to look at people in the hallways at work. I pray for things that I think I need. I want to write effortlessly. I want to live a good life, and be loved.

time yet for a hundred indecisions, / And for a hundred visions and revisions

The Skype does not make me feel totally at home. Something off-putting about it. It's a hybrid. There's the disconnectedness of not being with the person physically, just like a phone conversation, combined with the responsibility in a personal interaction of maintaining some control over your facial expressions and reacting properly in some way to the other person's comments. It's almost the worst of both worlds. It does sort of alleviate that thing of trying to not talk over someone on a long-distance call where you have to pause and see if the other person's going to speak. It's much easier when you can see if they're going to speak. And of course it's nice to see someone's face whom you haven't seen in a long time. It was lovely just now to see A over the Skype line, precisely to see her reactions to what I was saying, which is exactly why I'm saying I'm opposed, because people can see my reactions. I'm not saying it's not magic, because there is clearly black magic involved in Skype, I'm just saying I'm not totally comfortable with someone else seeing my face during a long-distance conversation. Usually when I'm on the phone I pace back and forth, look in the mirror, generally am not presentable to others, because I know no one can see me. This is different, you feel as though you have to "prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet".

The whole thing brings to mind the part in Infinite Jest where Wallace discusses the invention of video-phone technology and how people eventually decided they didn't want other people seeing them, and created lens caps for their video-phones with tableaus on them meant to deceive the person on the other end of the line. It's interesting how prescient that seems now.

Lift up your hearts

I've decided at last that I like seltzer. If this comes as a shock to you, please don't be offended. I've only just arrived at the conclusion myself; there's no way you could have known. Think of it this way: every time God closes a window, he opens a bottle of seltzer.

Peace be with you.

And also with you.

KoS installment 3

An anthropomorphic train-car full of giant apples seemed suddenly plausible, as his head's thoughts shifted from the sublime to ergotic.

Whoop, Jug! I love thee

These thoughts gave me comfort just now:

-There'll always be more plantains to cook.

-You can always just go for a run.

-Life will always go on.

-I won't be 48 for another 24 years.

Am I asleep or awake?

It's beautiful today.

It's OK to cry.

It's wonderful when you're here.

It's a crime to forget these lovely things I've known.

It's a letter you ought to write, to let someone know you're thinking of them.

It's your life.

It's worth it, and worth fighting for.

More Adventurous

I felt the wind on my cheek coming down from the east
And thought about how we are all as numerous as leaves on trees
And maybe ours is the cause of all mankind
Give love to make more, try to stay alive
-Rilo Kiley